Sober, Soberish, or Just Vibing? A Late-Night Ramble Through the Grey Area of Sobriety

What does it actually mean to be sober? 

Let me get one thing out of the way: I’m writing this while sipping on a glass of wine, which may or may not disqualify me from being “sober.” But that’s kind of the point.

Lately, I’ve been chewing on this question: What does it actually mean to be sober? Is it a badge you earn? A box you check? A mood? A state of being? Or is it more like jazz—open to interpretation, and mostly appreciated by people who don’t mind being confused?

The dictionary (which is probably drunk with power) tells me that sober means “not affected by alcohol; not drunk.” Which… okay, cool. But also wildly unhelpful when you’re trying to evaluate your relationship with alcohol on any level deeper than “Am I currently doing the Macarena on a bar table?”

Here’s where it gets fuzzy. My personal goal—and shoutout to Moderation Management for giving it a structure—is to stick to under three drinks per sitting. That, by most metrics, keeps me far from drunk and presumably “not affected by alcohol”.

So am I sober? Soberish? Sober-curious? A sober dabbler? Is that a thing?

I’ve realized we spend a lot of time thinking about the spectrum of alcohol use disorder (AUD), but not much time considering whether sobriety might also live on a spectrum. You can be not-quite-drunk and not-quite-sober. You can abstain from booze entirely but smoke weed while watching Bob Ross paint happy little trees and still wonder: does this count?

Which brings me to the awkward truth: the word sober carries baggage for me. I’ve always associated it with total abstinence—12-step meetings, chips, sponsor texts at 2 a.m. (nothing but love for those paths, by the way). But if I haven’t blacked out in five months and haven’t gone beyond my drink limits in two, is it wrong to feel like I’m on a sober path?

Then again, here I am with my wine and my laptop, philosophizing with some THC from last weekend’s camping trip. So maybe I’m not “sober.” Or maybe I’m redefining it.

Honestly, I think what we’re really asking is this: Does the label matter as much as the intention behind it?

Maybe “sober” doesn’t have to mean never. Maybe it can mean aware. Or intentional. Or not trying to solve existential dread with Fireball shots on a Tuesday.

In the end, I don’t know if I’m sober. I don’t even know if I care. What I do know is this: I feel better, clearer, more me than I have in a long time. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the only definition that counts.