My Ongoing Journey To Reduce Drinking With MM: Podcast Interview with Mary Reid (aka Kary May) Executive Director of MM

Podcast of Interview with Mary Reid, MM Executive Director

A couple of weeks ago, I sat down with Molly Watts at Breaking the Bottle Legacy to discuss how it was that I came to Moderation Management (MM) 12 years ago, desperate to reduce my drinking, and where the last twelve years have brought me. It’s been an amazing ride, admittedly bumpy at times, but I now realize those bumps got me where I needed to go-maybe even quicker than I would have gotten there without the bumps. Moderation is not a final destiny, it is a continual journey. I continue that journey on a daily basis, as a member, with the support of the MM communities.  MM is not steps or rules, the members of our communities are MM. MM is the place where we don’t tell each other what to do, instead we share what we have done, what has worked for us and what hasn’t, all the while acknowledging that what works for one does not work for all and that we are all fascinating and unique. We learn from each other while we support each other. We share our most effective tools to reduce drinking. We cheer each other one and we pick each other up.

Mary Reid aka Kary May

6 replies
  1. Marybeth
    Marybeth says:

    I am 84 years of age and alcohol has been my drug since I was 25. I now have HBP…Osteoporosis, heart problems and fatty liver…….AND I CONTINUE TO DRINK TWO BOTTLES OF WINE 3…5 DAYS A WEEK. ALSO MY MEMORY IS ASLEEP! I did a 29 day rehab in my early forties….have gone to AAmany times and here I am….killing myself with my drug of choice.

  2. Mark
    Mark says:

    My husband has been very good at keeping his drinking hidden.. but I found empty vodka bottles hidden. He has been drinking daily for 30 years..though I have only seen
    Him visibly “drunk” on a handful of occasions.. He may need detox… but we do t know. that said, we confronted his habit, he has agreed to my support, and he his drinking one drink a day. He is doing that for fear of withdrawal symptoms after daily drinking for so long. He is going to the doctor to see if detox is needed. I feel, since he seems capable now of one drink per day, would he be able to moderate after he detoxes? As you know it is hard to get a read on people that hide drinking but he has been very honest lately and is looking for alternatives.

    • Mary Reid
      Mary Reid says:

      Mark, we are a peer support group, we do not have the means to predict whether someone can moderate or not, actually no one can predict this. What we can do is offer support, tools and strategies if your husband decides to explore moderation. He will be the one to figure out whether moderation is possible or desirable for him. Some of our members, after experiencing abstinent periods which are part of moderation, decide that abstinence is the right choice for them. Others, even though they may not moderate perfectly all the time, find that the positive changes and reduction they have achieved through moderation allow them to continue to enjoy drinking at a reduced level.

      Living with a person who has been sneaking drinking is hard on spouses/partners and it is hard to build trust again. Sneaking drinking in itself is not a predictor of whether a person will be able to moderate their drinking or not. As a partner, it is important to know that there will probably be times when your husband overdrinks again and there may be times he hides this overdrinking, even if you have given him the space and support to be honest. Lifelong habits don’t disappear overnight, unfortunately. The goal is that these incidences become further and further apart and that the positive changes become the norm, and the old habits become the exception. This is something you and your husband should talk about if he decides to pursue moderation-remember, you have a right to your best life also and if you have concerns about him pursuing moderation vs. abstinence, you have a right to those concerns. It would be helpful for you to have your own support group and we have been talking about forming a group for a while but we don’t have that in place yet. It could also be helpful for your husband and you to see a moderation-friendly therapist who can help you talk about ways to avoid some of the hurdles you might face.

      It is very good that he is seeking medical guidance. Quitting abruptly after daily drinking for that long of a period could be dangerous. We always recommend that our members seek medical guidance if they are concerned about withdrawal.

      We are here for you, if you have any other questions and we are here for your husband if he decides he would like support to pursue moderation. I wish you both the very best.


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